Choosing YOU

Dear kids,

It's been almost a week since I wrote. I hope you don't feel as if those days were ones I lacked any joy in being a mother. They were just days full of sickness...for all of us. And while I had lofty aspirations to make sure you knew every single day at least one joy I found in being your mom, this week proved to be an obstacle.

This morning as I was laying somewhat lifeless on the couch, surrounded by kleenex and sniffles and coughing, I flipped the channels on TV and came across a news station that was airing a segment on the rise of couple who are choosing to be childless. This immediately caught my attention, so I tuned in to hear WHY!

One woman said she lacked maternal instinct and just had no desire from day one. Another woman said she had always wanted to have kids, but the longer she and her husband were married, the more comfortable they got with their life and realized that they always wanted it to be JUST THEM.

I must say that there have been times this week that I wished I wouldn't have had to take care of anyone else but me, especially being sick and still having to break up arguments, clean up messes, feed meals and snacks...but in all reality, those times are just a small part of the amazing deal I got being able to be a mom.

I can't imagine choosing not to have all the incredible experiences I have had as your mother. I can't imagine trading in the day each of you were born just so dad and I could have a nice income and freedom to go out all the time. I could never give up the time I have had watching each of you develop into a unique little person, and a combination of both daddy and I, so we could have fancy dinner parties and extended couples vacations. And I can't picture a family of 2. I just can't. Not when I have seen something so much more fulfilling.

My heart breaks for the couples that are choosing to see so nearsighted.

I hope you know, little ones, that here have been so many funny moments this week, despite the sickness. I have learned that Jenna gets pretty loopy when she is sick (which is really funny), and Spencer asks for a tissue EVERY SINGLE time he sees someone else blow their nose, and Kaden is a big time snuggler when he's not feeling well.

Little things like that, are memories and tidbits I will tuck away in my heart...they make me smile. YOU each make me smile.

I love you. And I am so glad I CHOSE to have you. I can't think of a better way to spend my life.

Love, mom