Has it really been almost 2 months?
sigh. It appears I am failing miserably at my quest to write you daily...but do know I think about the things you are learning and doing and the way you inspire my life daily.
Much of the last 2 months have been hectic. Daddy was gone most of that time on his clinical rotations--which meant it was just me and you guys. And I have to say that was not always easy. We spent a month in Idaho as well, hanging out with family and friends--I loved watching each of you latch on to certain cousins, and to laugh and run around so carefree. Those 4 weeks spent with grandmas and grandpas and cousins and aunts and uncles are weeks I will always treasure.
I hope you do too.
Daddy has been home with us for just over a week now, and it's been so nice to have him around. You guys love your dad...and he loves you...and watching you together is something so magical to me. He knows exactly how to make you laugh and the best games to play--and he knows how to read the perfect stories and captivate you with pretend play. He is truly a great man...
We are getting ready for the birth of the new baby...tomorrow in fact. It is hard to believe that the time is here already! I still remember when I was pregnant with Jenna and the time passed SO SLOW. I am pretty sure I counted every single day and knew down to the second I should have had her. :) This time, the minutes and days and months flew by.
In preparation for this baby to come, I have kept busy getting stuff around the house done...and I had an experience yesterday that really made me feel the need to sit down and write to you again--
Yesterday, in your quest to help me clean, you sprayed cleaner with bleach in on the nice quilts you have on your beds. So now, all your nice bedding has lovely bleach spots. I was livid. Not one blanket...not two blankets...but all three. I didn't know if I should cry, or yell, or run away and not come back for the rest of the night.
The thing is, getting so angry about the quilts made me feel even WORSE! The reality is, they are just material things. And if I had to choose you kids or a blanket, I would clearly choose my kids. But yet, in that moment I just couldn't keep it together. I was short-tempered...and really have been a lot lately. Perhaps it's the end of pregnancy playing games with me. Perhaps it's the extreme heat...or the fact that I haven't slept well...but the fact is, I definitely don't feel like you have gotten my best the past little bit.
I. HATE. THAT.
And I hate that I have been flustered with you...because that's not what is in my heart. Instead of just playing on the floor and snuggling on the couch reading stories, I have been cleaning up the stuff from off the floor and pushing anyone who felt the need to hang all over me (it's been super hot here!) :) I have been frantically trying to cross of my list of to-do's...because that seemed so much more important.
But tonight......tonight I feel so disappointed with myself and how I have reacted to you lately. I just wish I could go right in and snuggle you all (next to the air conditioner...lol) and tell you that I was wrong--wrong to get so upset about the bleach spots on your quilts--and wrong to put so many of my to-do's ahead of you. I just want you to know today, that even though you have struggled with being stir-crazy in this house and I have struggled with emotions and sleeping and life, that I love you and need you in my life...that I would choose YOU all over again if I could rewind life and do it all over.
Tomorrow. Planning on there being a tomorrow that I can try to make this right...to soak in your joy and excitement over baby Carter...to snuggle you for a bit...to listen to your silly stories...and to spend some good moments together on our last day as a family of 5...
love, mom
