As you can tell by the date, it's been a long, long while since I got on here and wrote to you.
Oh how this saddens me!
I wrote you each letters in my mind daily...as I was sweeping the floor, rushing about, taking care of things that needed done. And I hoped I would get them written down!
But time passed...all too quickly, I might add. And my memory is not what it used to be. :)
I can tell you we have had some good days...and we have had some not so good days...but each day there has been something I have found...something good...something wonderful. It's hard not to with kids like you.
But today, I had to put the dirty dishes down...leave the broom in the middle of the kitchen floor...let things just BE for right now...because I feel so very impressed to tell you how much I love you.
I need you to know that. I do.
I often find myself getting really irritated at the times that I become frustrated with you guys...I snap quicker than I want to...my tone of voice is not one that I feel would be pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I find myself just needing to let go...to remember that you are children...to not expect perfection on an adult level.
And that's how it was tonight.
I don't even remember what spurred it initially...probably nothing that actually had to do with any of you. But as things unfolded, I found that little by little I was getting angrier and angrier...and I was taking my frustrations out on you guys.
We read stories, read scriptures, and knelt down for family prayer. We have started saying something each night that we are thankful for, so that the person who says the family prayer can be sure to include those things, and hopefully help our family to be more grateful. You guys really love this...and I love hearing your answers.
So tonight, we went through each of you...and then I asked someone to say prayer.
Jenna, you stopped me and said, "mom...what are YOU thankful for?"
Oh how this broke my heart. I hadn't even thought of a single thing...I had been so frazzled with my frustrations from the evening that I didn't put myself in that moment with you.
I felt my heart softening...it was the very thing I needed to turn the night around.
And really, I couldn't pick just one thing. I was thankful to each of you...and FOR each of you...thankful that daddy is working so hard to get through school....thankful for a roof over our head and food to eat...thankful for family...and that we get to be together forever. And I was thankful for second chances...and third chances. Because I certainly need my fair share.
I love you all. I do, even if I don't get to write every single night, like I originally planned on doing. Know it's in my heart...my thoughts...and I am really trying to be better.
Love,
mom
