Smoothies

Dear kids,

Today with dinner I served fruit smoothies. Boy did you all think we had hit the jackpot! Definitely a crowd pleaser! Little did you know I was getting rid of leftovers.... :)

One of the things that made me laugh the most was when Kaden took his fruit smoothie, straw and all, and set it by the bathtub while he soaked. Just seemed like we should plop on a pair of sunglasses and a swimsuit and move our bathtub to Hawaii. :)

If only.

Anyway, just a small little tidbit from a still sick day...loved watching you guys with your drinks.

I have a feeling we will be drinking many more smoothies in the near future...

Love, mom

Choosing YOU

Dear kids,

It's been almost a week since I wrote. I hope you don't feel as if those days were ones I lacked any joy in being a mother. They were just days full of sickness...for all of us. And while I had lofty aspirations to make sure you knew every single day at least one joy I found in being your mom, this week proved to be an obstacle.

This morning as I was laying somewhat lifeless on the couch, surrounded by kleenex and sniffles and coughing, I flipped the channels on TV and came across a news station that was airing a segment on the rise of couple who are choosing to be childless. This immediately caught my attention, so I tuned in to hear WHY!

One woman said she lacked maternal instinct and just had no desire from day one. Another woman said she had always wanted to have kids, but the longer she and her husband were married, the more comfortable they got with their life and realized that they always wanted it to be JUST THEM.

I must say that there have been times this week that I wished I wouldn't have had to take care of anyone else but me, especially being sick and still having to break up arguments, clean up messes, feed meals and snacks...but in all reality, those times are just a small part of the amazing deal I got being able to be a mom.

I can't imagine choosing not to have all the incredible experiences I have had as your mother. I can't imagine trading in the day each of you were born just so dad and I could have a nice income and freedom to go out all the time. I could never give up the time I have had watching each of you develop into a unique little person, and a combination of both daddy and I, so we could have fancy dinner parties and extended couples vacations. And I can't picture a family of 2. I just can't. Not when I have seen something so much more fulfilling.

My heart breaks for the couples that are choosing to see so nearsighted.

I hope you know, little ones, that here have been so many funny moments this week, despite the sickness. I have learned that Jenna gets pretty loopy when she is sick (which is really funny), and Spencer asks for a tissue EVERY SINGLE time he sees someone else blow their nose, and Kaden is a big time snuggler when he's not feeling well.

Little things like that, are memories and tidbits I will tuck away in my heart...they make me smile. YOU each make me smile.

I love you. And I am so glad I CHOSE to have you. I can't think of a better way to spend my life.

Love, mom

Blowing kisses

Dear Kids,

Every night when I am ready to leave your room after tucking you in, we have a ritual. You ALWAYS want to blow me out of the room with your kisses.

You kiss your hands and blow the kiss, and I act as though I was hit with 80 mile an hour winds. Obviously over exaggerated, I spin and fall backwards, each kiss and each step getting closer to the door until you blow the final BIG ONE and it blows me right outside the door.

It is something we have done for a while now...and yet, tonight, I just realized that it is something I think I will really, really miss when you don't want to do it anymore.

It's definitely a highlight in my day...and it makes me so happy to make YOU happy.

Good night my little ones. Blowing kisses right back at you.

Love, mom

Play Doh

Today we made Play Doh after church. Kaden LOVES play-doh and was THRILLED to get to play with it.

I was making some rolls at the kitchen table and he was sitting by me watching and rolling his little ball of play-doh in his hands.

All of a sudden he got a big smile and walked his little ball across the table to a piece of sticky bread dough. He said, "Mom, I'm a pomato (tomato)!" And as his little tomato plopped into the wad of sticky dough he exclaimed, "my pomato just stepped in GUM!"

I laughed and laughed. What a creative little guy...

Ice cream is such a dream...

Dear Spencer,

Today was our special day...just you and me and a trip to get ice cream.

Your eyes got so big when you saw all the choices...and you said yes to about 8 flavors, but I got a double yes on the cake batter icecream with sprinkles in it. I think the sprinkles won you over...

Your eyes and SMILE got even bigger when you saw the ice cream in the cone. YOU WERE SO EXCITED. You licked and licked and licked and hadn't even left evidence that any was eaten, except the ice cream all over your face.

You and I sat across from each other, mostly in silence, eating our icecream and giggling over the drips that you left all over the table. I asked you questions, and got the same responses...squeals and smiles. So I left it at that.

I just had so mun fun watching you tackle a giant ice cream cone...it truly made me happy.

I love you big boy...and I am so glad we had our time today.

Love, mom

Play

Dear kids,

Today was a rough day...I have to admit it. Hard to get each of you in the right direction without fighting with me or each other. I was feeling stressed and sad.

But towards the end of the day we had company come over. And you guys ran to the basement to play in the toy room. One thing I love is hearing your screams and squeals coming from downstairs.

I wish I could record those happy noises and play them back all the time.

I love hearing you happy. I do. And I hope I give you lots of reasons to feel that way.

Love, mom

MOOOOOOOM

Dear Spencer,

You say few words right now, but MOM is top on the list.

That makes me happy. :)

But what makes me even HAPPIER is that every time we see each other, whether I've just come back from shopping, or come back upstairs from doing laundry, you open your arms SO BIG and yell "MOOOOOOOOM".

It cracks me up...and makes my heart VERY, very happy.

I love you little man.

Love, mom

I still love you.

Dear kids,

Today was a terrible day. I was a terrible mom. And I am pretty sure the fact that I cried all the way through reading Curious George tonight is a clue that I feel so sad about it.

I can't go back and change things from today. I can't erase the massive headache I had all morning or turn time back and make you guys have had naps or not fight or give me 2 seconds of peace. And I can't go back and respond differently when all those things didn't happen today.

But I can still love you. I do. And I always will.

And I am sorry about today....

Love mom.

Silence.

Dear kids,

Sometimes, I say I liked our time best during a day because you kids were asleep. Those are the really rough, LOOOONG, endless days.

But today, I loved you best when you were asleep not because you misbehaved...but because I love to watch you each snuggle in with your eyes closed, in perfect peace and silence.

It gives me that moment (or many) to watch you and reflect on how amazing it is that you are here...that you once started off so small and have grown to something so big and wonderful. It is in those silent moments that I am shown a glimpse of how much Heavenly Father loves me.

He gave me you. Each of you.

And for that, I am grateful.

Love, mom

Family Day

Dear family,

Today there was no school for daddy or Jenna, so we decided to spend the whole day together.

Pizza for lunch and picking out dollar toys for each of you, and then a trip to the mall playplace filled our day.

If there is one thing that brings me the most joy of all, it's spending time as a family...seeing all of us together. I hope we all get very used to it, because that's where I want to be for eternity.

I love you all,

Love, mom

SMILE!

Spencer is a boy of few words...

But he is SO smart. And he is REALLY funny.

Today he was standing next to me and started to snuggle with me. So I told him, "Spencer, you make me SO happy"

He looked up and did his SMILE...intentionally completely squinty eyes with his teeth showing.

Totally precious.

Our morning PJ party

Dear Jenna,

Today you woke up pretty early after hearing a weird sound...a sound that we also heard and didn't know what it was. As daddy and I were laying in bed trying to go back to sleep, I turned over to change positions and was startled by the shadow of a girl with long hair in a nightgown.

I screamed.

And my screams scared you. So you crawled in bed with me and you and daddy and I laid there talking about what the noise could be and about the movie dad went and saw last night. And suddenly I got a brilliant idea that you and I should go to breakfast.

So we hurried downstairs, trying to be as quiet as possible as to not wake the boys. And even though they ended up waking up, we sneaked out in our pajamas and went to Denny's.

I think on many days I would have been ashamed to be seen in public in what I was wearing as pajamas...some old pink lounge pants and a teal t-shirt our landlord brought us from Hawaii. Let's just say that I was a fashion disaster...and I knew it. But I was so happy to have time with you...and to be going out for breakfast.

More acceptable than my outfit, however, was your cute princess jammie top and coordinating bottoms. However, I think that being 5 years old, you would have looked cute no matter what.

We were seated at our table and pulled out the menu. I loved talking to you about all the choices--you knew exactly what you wanted. The dunkers...ball shaped pancakes with syrup hoops. It was very cute.

While we waited we talked about all sorts of stuff. There was no crying, whining, complaining...none of that. Just you, my sweet girl, with your mind full of fascinating questions and cheerful conversation. I can honestly say, I enjoyed every minute with you.

At one point in our conversation, I asked if you were excited that you didn't have to school on Monday. Your answer was this..."oh yes! When I don't go to school, I get to stay home with my family. And I LOVE staying home with my family. Even on days like Saturday..."

You impressed me with your sincere answer.

As we were finishing up, a woman who had been sitting nearby came up to us and said that you were the sweetest little girl ever, and that she was so pleased to see that a mom and daughter could have such rapport between each other.

THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY...My heart swelled with joy to hear her say that....and I hope that we always have that special connection between us. I do. Whether it be over breakfast, or after school, or during a really hard time. I hope we have these moments together...often.

I love you Jenna girl...and I loved our time together today. It was the perfect way to start the morning...

Love,

mom

Dear baby...

Dear baby,

You have been on my mind so much today...well, lately in general. I am so very aware of you growing inside, and the aches and pains I feel as a part of that. :) But I am also extremely aware of how much you will mean to our family...and how much you already DO mean to us.

I want you to know that YOU ARE LOVED. You are wanted, and you are being prayed for daily by daddy and I...and your brothers and sister. The thing that brings me the most joy today, and as I have thought about how life will change when you enter this world, is that I can see Jenna and Kaden and Spencer ADORING you...loving you...cuddling you...singing songs and playing with you...

And my heart swells to think of all that love, all for you. One special little person.

I do not know what the future holds. Sometimes I wish I did...except that then I think I would be afraid to take another step in life. :) But I do know that you have a very important role in this family. I feel that.

I am excited to meet you...in due time...and to hold your sweet little spirit in my arms as you join the family that is praying you here...

We love you sweet baby.

Love, mom

Family Prayer

Dear Jenna,

Tonight you said family prayer. I love how you are including all these big words lately...utilizing every bit of your vocabulary...even if it doesn't make much sense. It is so cute.

In the prayer that you said tonight, along with the funny things you said (and re-said), you said "please bless mom to know I love her".

I do, sweet girl. I do. And I love you too.

Love,

mom

The concert

Dear kids,

Tonight you asked if you could put on a concert for daddy and I.

We agreed and put some dance music on for you all.

Within seconds you were all bustin' moves and swinging your bodies all over the place. It was SO funny.

Daddy and I sat on the couch together, holding hands and watching you. At one point in the song (Taylor Swift...because you are ALL fans) the words were sang "I keep thinking this is how it ought to be..."

While I know the song was really referring to romantic interests between a boy and girl, I couldn't help but look at each of you crazily swinging all over the living room and think to myself, "THIS is how it ought to be..." laughing, and loving, and enjoying each other.

This IS how it ought to be. Each of you a part of this family...with room for another little spirit to come and be a part of our family....to join in the laughter and silliness.

And to be so very loved....the way daddy and I love each of you.

And we do. OODLES.

Love, mom