At play

Dear boys,

Today we went to the Science Museum. It was just us, and the family we went with. So calm...

I loved watching you run around and explore. You both love the ball pit, and dive right in...Spencer, you spend much of your time there putting balls into the suction machine that shoots them into the ball dropper...and Kaden, you were a fan of the dress up area. You looked so cute working on the pretend car while wearing your police man outfit.

I love these times where you are so carefree.

Love, mom

Shock

Dear Kaden,

Today's funny moment was courtesy of you. :) I wish I had been there to see this, but I was out running errands. Daddy called me though, as soon as it happened, laughing so hard.

He recounted that you had been throwing a big fit about something, throwing yourself here and there. You ran into the bathroom still flailing around and somehow managed to hit the side of the bathtub in just the right way that you flopped right into it.

That alone would have been funny. But even funnier was the fact that Spencer had tried to fill up the bathtub shortly before that and all he could get on was the cold water.

I can just PICTURE your shocked face as you flopped head first, fully dressed, into a bathtub of cold water.

I have laughed at that mental picture all night... :)

Thanks for making me smile today--even if it wasn't intentional. :)

Love,

MOM

3 words

Today's 2 hours of happiness were brought together by 3 simple words...

I made dough.

Need I say more?

I Love you dough-playing little people so much.

Love, mom

You are special

Kids,

It's hard to narrow down just one thing that made me happy from today--so I will pick one for each of you.

Kaden, today you ran around with one of dad's socks on your leg. You announced in your best 3 year old superhero voice that you had superhero sock power, and busted out the moves to match. You never fail to make us laugh.

Spencer, seeing Kaden do his superhero moves, encouraged you to do your own crazy dance moves...who knew you were such a good dancer? You seriously had dad and I sitting there with raised eyebrows wondering how you learned to move your body the way you did. Another fine moment was when we were reading stories and you pointed out all the colors correctly when asked. This is such a small thing, I know. But we were SO PROUD...you're learning and coming along, and we are so happy for you.

Jenna--tonight at bedtime I got to lay in bed with you and talk to you about where you came from and why you are here on earth. We talked about needing to be more obedient and why it was important--and how special it was for your spirit to be here in our family. There are these tender moments, so infused with the spirit, that I hope we can always have. And most of all, I hope you remember how much I want us all to be together again, living with Heavenly Father. I can't imagine you not being with me...always.

I love you each. You are special and unique in your own ways.

Love, mom

Snow day snuggles

Dear Jenna,

Today was officially declared a snow day. I have to say that I think I was more excited than you were...

So seeing how I didn't have to get up and get everyone ready by a certain time, and trudge through the snow and bad roads, I jumped back in my bed and snuggled under the covers.

You came right in and laid next to me...in the dark, we talked with daddy...just letting the minutes slip by without a care in the world. Eventually dad had to get ready to leave so it left just you and me to snuggle, until just moments later, Spencer joined us with a book.

So there we were this morning, you and me and Spencer and a book, snuggled in a big bed while the wind whipped around outside and the snow poured down outside.

I think every day should be a snow day if they include mornings like this.

I love you, and am excited to have you home today.

Love mom

Doing the Macaroni

Dear Kaden,

Today for dinner we had homemade macaroni. You are a mac and cheese kind of guy, no matter how it comes, so you were especially excited about this dinner.

You have a dance for everything, it seems. And tonight was no different. You busted out your moves and did the macaroni dance.

It made us all laugh.

You are good at that... :)

Love, mom

A look back...

Kids,

Today I found such joy in rereading the posts I have written in this journal. During quiet time I read through what I have written, tearing up during some, laughing during others...and remembering so vividly the times I had written about. It is amazing how after writing something down on paper it becomes engraved in your memory too. Even if you forget temporarily, somehow rereading those words beings it all back...

I think that is one thing I love most about this journal. It is allowing me to record the precious times I have so often let slip away only to blow away like a leaf in the wind. It is allowing me to go back through and SEE how many great times we had had together...how many moments of inspiration I have had...and what beautiful, wonderful kids you are.

I have realized lately, that there has been a change in me as well. I feel a little more patient (not perfect..not even close...but working on being better). I feel more empathy towards you...I feel more connected to you. I have heard more I love you's...I have been given more hugs...and I think I have done the same thing in return.

This has truly given me a change of heart.

I still have frustrating days. I still have a short temper sometimes. And I still have a lot of areas to work on. But in the past month and a half I have felt even a small portion of the great change I see is possible. And I am excited to see how much better we can become...together.

I love you. Thank you for loving me. It is truly the greatest gift one can be given...to be loved by a child.

Love, mom

The simple life

Dear kids,

Sometimes I find that I become so preoccupied with finding the perfect distraction for you all that I forget how simple life can be...

Case in point: EVERY time I make anything with dough (bread, pizza, rolls, etc) you ALWAYS ask for some to play with. And you play with it for HOURS. You haul it all over the house. You make funny shapes. You even take it in the car if I let you.

Today was one of those days.

And as I was standing in the kitchen kneading my dough with you boys surrounding me, playing with your own dough, it hit me how SIMPLE life can be.

It's not about WHAT toys we have or how many...it's not about the batteries or the computer games or the fun TV shows you have to watch. It's not about the perfect organization system or the colorful educational books I have bought or any other little thing I think you need to have entertainment throughout the day.

It IS, however, playing with dough, and imagining with cardboard boxes...it's playing in the snow with my funnel set, and pretending to be a cleaner with my basting brush. It's quiet moments where I can see your little brains working a million miles a minute...and watching you create the most wonderful things out of nothing.

That is the simple life...the good life...the life I have often abandoned for one that was "well thought out" and "entertaining".

I am grateful for today...for pieces of dough...and for your reminder that the simple life is often the best life.

You make me better...

Dear kids,

This afternoon was hard. REALLY hard.

There was screaming and crying and fighting and such.

I felt like a failure for not knowing how to get everyone in line and under control.

We had dinner, and the whole time I was thinking--tonight, we are NOT having family night. We are going to take baths and watch a movie and go to bed. I can't deal with everyone not listening to a lesson. I just can't.

But all through dinner, you asked...all of you. "Is tonight our meeting?" (that's what you call it... :) "Mom, what's our meeting about?" etc...

And when I let you know we might not have it, you protested. You insisted we did have it. You wouldn't let me quit...

So we all knelt in our circle on the floor to have our family night lesson. And you all sat there, listening. I felt such peace. And I think about that bit of peace I would have missed if I had gone with my head instead of my heart.

You kids make me better. You do.

Thank you for pushing me, when I need a little shove in the right direction.

Love, mom

The funny guy

Dear Spencer,

Tonight at dinner, you thought you were a real comedian. And I have to say that seeing you laugh so hard, brought all my giggles to the surface too.

You stood behind me as I was eating, and tapped on my shoulder. As soon as I would turn around, your hands would cover your gigantic smile and you would start laughing hysterically.

This went on and on, over and over...

You really are a funny guy and you make us laugh so often...just another thing I love about you, and about my day.

Love you lots.

Mom

Clean up, clean up

Kids,

Today I attempted to involve you all in the mundane chores of the day.

While the attention spans didn't last too long, when you WERE involved, you were excited. Jenna, you went above and beyond and not only cleaned the bathroom sink, but the toilet as well. I say, you're hired...any day! :) Kaden, you did a great job picking up the toys and getting them...well...almost all the way downstairs. And Spencer, you were so proud to hold up your little list with 2 jobs, the first being to put away all the shoes from the living room, and the second being to be good. :)

Those 10 minutes of assistance and working together made me truly feel happy...and I love that you guys were excited to help out...may that attitude last for a good long time.

Love, mom

Overworked and Underappreciated

Kids,

I was feeling completely overwhelmed this morning. The house didn't get as clean as I wanted last night, and it threw the whole day off. I was rushing to meet your demands for breakfast and drinks and everything else, trying to hurry you through so we could get Jenna to school on time, and taking care of my long to-do list.

I have tried so hard to keep it all together lately...to keep up on laundry and cleaning and cooking homemade meals every night. I have felt such a sense of pride in doing so. I love being a mom, and I know it's a lot of work. But one thing you probably won't realize until you are a parent with small children, is that all that work and all the to-do lists and things you will have to go through to hold life together are so much easier if you feel appreciated every now and then. And let's face it...that doesn't always happen.

So today, I found myself crying in the shower. Kicking myself for letting life get to me, and feeling overwhelmed and lonely...

But then Kaden, in the car on the way to take Jenna to school, out of the blue you said, "mom, I love you". And it was like those 4 words took away all the sadness and frustration of my morning...it made a difference to me. It really did.

And you know what? It also made me realize something else...that sometimes you guys may just need those moments of I love you...I appreciate you...not that I don't say those things. But that maybe you have times where you feel like I did...and you don't need things to be transformed somehow, you just need to know that you are loved and appreciated for you who are and what you do...

Thank you for this sweet lesson...and for loving me, despite my many flaws.

I am glad I am your mom.

Love,

me

The perfect gift

Dear Kaden,

Today, after a long while of pleading, I let you go outside in the snow. You are just the cutest to watch exploring and playing out there...

I had let you go out for a few minutes alone while I finished putting Spencer down for a nap. But I was surprised when you popped your head in a couple minutes later and said you needed me. I hurried to the back door, and your sweet smile met me there.

With big, sincere eyes you said...

"mom, I have got the BEST present for you...a SNOWBALL!"

It was the perfect gift little buddy... :) Thank you for thinking of me and making me smile.

Love, mom

My little snuggle bug...

Dear Spencer,

Tonight, before bed, you smacked your poor little face right into the door. It called for some serious lovin'.

So while the other kids brushed teeth and finished getting ready for bed, you sat with me in the rocking chair...the very chair we bought just after you were born...and snuggled right up while I sang songs to you and we rocked.

Snuggling you is one of the things I love the most...you are SUCH a great snuggler and you always have been. Thank you for letting me hold you so close tonight and be reminded of how much joy and love you bring to our family. You are such a special little guy.

Love,

mom

Toys, Toys for good girls and boys

Kids,

Today we went to the toy library and picked out some stuff to check out.

This is one of your favorite things to do...and I love sharing new stuff with you without paying for it. :)

I've got to say though, that the joy I found today was in the 20 minutes of peace you gave me while you explored the new goods downstairs.

Thank you for some me time...

Love you.

mom